Bonding with your Baby

That the moment of holding them for the first time and staring at their little face will evoke overwhelming love. Like fireworks. But this DOES NOT HAPPEN for every single mum or dad. It is not always love at first sight and that is ok! Bonding can take days, weeks or even months to happen and if you don’t feel that connection immediately it does not mean anything about you as a parent.

We can make the analogy with romantic love. Some people report that they just knew the minute that they saw their partner that they were going to be with that person, it was a fireworks moment. For others, they talk about a slow burn of their love, something that might have grown or developed over time, via friendship first. Both can happen and both have an equally good shot of surviving as a relationship. When our babies are born it can be the same- instant connection or slow burn.

What complicates this situation is the misguided belief that only instant connection is a valid parental experience. That if you don’t feel that connection immediately with your child you are flawed, doomed as a parent or in some way faulty. These messages come from television, books and magazines, social media and stories people tell. As a result, the parent who has the “slow-burn” experience can go underground with their feelings and possibly never tell anyone that this was what happened for them. They might repress the feelings and emotions, avoid thinking about it or even blame any parenting troubles on this experience.