Fact sheet · Children's feelings
Words for big feelings
All feelings are okay. Not all behaviour is. Name the feeling, hold the limit, then help your child through. Circle the words that sound like you, cross out the rest, and write your own.
Type straight into the boxes, then print or save as a PDF, or print it blank and use a pen.
1 · Name itthe feeling
2 · Hold itthe limit
3 · Thenhelp them through
Disappointment
- ToddlerOh no, you wanted the blue cup and it's in the wash. Green cup today. Two hands on the green one?
- School-ageYou were really looking forward to seeing Sam. It's such a let-down and we can't change it today. Let's message his mum together and find a new day.
Anger
- ToddlerMad! You're so cross and no throwing the remote. Stomp, stomp, stomp with me!
- School-ageYou're angry about my answer. I get why and yelling at me still isn't okay. I'll listen properly when we can both use calmer voices. I'm right here.
Fear
- ToddlerBig woof! That gave you a fright and we're still walking past. Hold my hand. Slow feet.
- School-ageYou're nervous about swimming, which makes sense after a long break and we're still going today. I'll be watching from the side the whole time. What would help you get in?
Frustration
- ToddlerArgh! Shoes are tricky and no kicking the door. One foot. Together.
- School-ageYou're fed up because this is hard and you're tired and it still needs doing tonight. Let's do two questions, then have a snack break.
Matching words to age
Fewer words for younger children. More talking it through as they grow.
- Toddlers 1–3 yearsOne or two words for the feeling, a very short limit, then something to do. Skip the reasons. Your body and tone do most of the work.
- Preschoolers 3–5 yearsName the feeling, give a short reason, then offer two choices you're happy with either way.
- School-age kids 6–12 yearsReflect back what they said, explain the reason, then work out a plan together once things are calmer.
If a tantrum happens
Teaching comes later. Right now: safe and steady.
After the storm
A two-minute look back, once everyone is calm. No judging.
Look after you too. If you feel yourself boiling over, step away for a moment while your child is safe, or ask another adult to take over. If you lose your cool, repair it: “I’m sorry I yelled. I was overwhelmed. I love you.” Parenting support: Parentline in your state or territory, or talk to your GP. If anyone is in danger, call 000.