Fact sheet · Anger and repair

After a difficult moment

Losing your temper happens to most parents. What you do next matters more. Work through this once you’re calm. The boxes are for you, not for anyone else.

Type straight into the boxes, then print or save as a PDF, or print it blank and use a pen.

1. Calm your body first

Not there yet? Wait. You can reconnect later today.

I've stepped away, or put my baby down somewhere safe
I've taken 3–5 slow breaths, with a long breath out
My heart has slowed and I can think clearly

2. Say sorry simply

Pick one, or use your own words.

“I yelled, and I'm sorry. That wasn't okay.”
“I was feeling ______, but it wasn't your fault.”
“You didn't deserve to be spoken to like that.”
Babies: hold them close and speak gently. They feel the calm.

3. Own it, don't hand it back

The feeling was okay. The yelling wasn't.

“You made me so angry.”

“I got angry, and I’m learning to handle it better.”

4. Reconnect

Offer a hug, or ask: “Would you like a cuddle or some space?”
Do something calm together, like a book, a snack or a walk
Older kids: ask “How did that feel for you?”
Don't pretend it didn't happen

5. Be kind to yourself

What would I say to a friend who told me this happened? Now say it to yourself.

6. Look back like a curious scientist

No judging, just noticing.

Earlier today I was…Just before, this happened…The thought in my head was…What I wish I'd said…

7. Plan for next time

My early warning sign is…When I notice it, I will…My ‘pause’ word or signalI'll talk to… about this

Get support if this happens often, you feel out of control, you can’t remember parts of it, or you’ve had thoughts of hurting your child or yourself. If anyone is in danger, put your baby down safely and call 000. Family violence support: 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732.